"A woman who serves"

We met with our Doula last night. I can't describe the relief I feel that I at long last have someone in my corner who finally understands what I'm going through and how to help me through all that is to come. With the disappointment of my last birth so fresh in my mind, it is a small miracle that I have found such an amazing woman to care for me this time around. She is perfect for me in so many ways, and I feel that we were brought together for a beautiful purpose. Not only does she live close by, but she is highly experienced, expresses herself well, is willing (if not eager) to be there for me for the whole pregnancy, even in the event of bedrest and complications. She has offered extra massages to help me avoid the early contractions that I experienced last time, and has even made me feel truly comfortable in calling on her for help with my children in the event of continuing illness. And her price is unbelievably low for all that she offers! I'm especially looking forward to the hypnobirthing classes. She is a Grandma with no grandchildren in the state, so she is highly attentive and committed, and just oozes a true spirit of caring. Why, oh why did I not have Doulas with all my other labors?! Obviously I'm quite excited over this gem of a woman.

And in the glorious tradition of serendipity, she is a member of a community choir that I had not previously heard of, one that has been performing in the valley for over 80 years! And when she found out that I direct our Ward choir, she emphatically invited me to join. And they especially need second sopranos, my forte! Oh joy of joys. I have looked for a choir to join since moving here, and though the timing may not seem ideal, I am hopeful that as I start to feel better and better that this will be a wonderful outlet for me.

As far as my good and bad days go, if this isn't a boy, I may be shocked, even though we are still planning on a girl. This pregnancy has been so strange to me. I am no longer nauseaus, but my good days are now followed by days that I cannot keep a single thing in my stomach. In the last 3 weeks I have vomited more than I did in any of my other pregnancies combined. And I don't usually see it coming. I'm normally so good at keeping stuff down, but my gag reflex appears to have given up. I've started drinking protein shakes at my sister's suggestion, but only because they come back up easier and the low glycemic ones don't spike my blood sugar (thanks to sucralose, unfortunately).

The worst so far? I threw up WHILE DRIVING yesterday. I didn't even have time or a place to pull over. But the good thing? Something told me to bring a bowl with me in the car on this particular trip. I've never felt it necessary before, but there is now a bowl permanently next to the driver's seat. So much fun, I tell ya. When will this end?! I know I'm only 12 weeks, but I swear this is worse than before. I'm not altogether sure the good days are worth it sometimes. I am so nervous and anxious over not knowing what the day will be like or if I will be able to eat. I am getting increasingly depressed over it all. I just want even, predictable morning sickness that gets a little better each day. Is that too much to ask?!!!!!

This is another reason that the Doula was such a welcome inclusion in my experience at this time. I probably shouldn't project so much on to the poor woman, but I think I love her!